I'm torn. Emotionally and physically. I've worked my butt off for the past 2 years pouring my heart out, writing and finishing this book.
It's done. 99.99% done.
I should be dancing and celebrating?
In all honesty, I'm sh$tting my pants.
I've done vulnerable before. Lots of times, in fact more times than I could count.
I started writing to find a way to sort through my emotions and struggles. It became a therapeutic vice and process. I've shared my story and my deepest feelings in written blogs, on video and from the stage more than 10+xs in the past two years.
I'm no stranger to vulnerable.
This is completely different. I am sharing parts of myself that I've never publicly shared before. Pain, heartbreak and sorrow that hurts for me to read it. Every time I edit it, it's me reliving some of the most painful emotions I've ever experienced.
I chose this path because I believe and have faith that I am supposed to. It was my choice.
I decided to be an advocate for parents dealing with teen substance abuse. These parents are struggling and one thing is certain, advocates definitely stir the pot, disrupt the status quo and don't always make friends. Honestly, I'm WAY past worrying about that.
It is my story from my perspective. I know I should be thrilled and on one level I truly am. Today I had huge revelation. This book isn't for me any longer.
- It's for the parents who are learning to let go of the judgement of themselves and others.
- It's for the parents who have lost themselves because they've spent all their time and energy trying to fix their kids.
- It's for the parents who are trying to understand and create clarity around their personal and energetic boundaries.
- It's for the parents who are ready to re-create the relationships in their life with themselves, their partner and their children.
The story isn't for everyone, but I do believe most people can relate to the life lessons.
To these parents who are struggling, to the moms who reach out to me on a regular basis, including the ones up to this afternoon, I promise you are not alone. I will be your voice until you can find yours. And you WILL find yours.
For now I will prep for the release of the book by building my armour, being clear on my boundaries and surrounding myself with my incredible tribe of people. I seriously love all of you!!
The moral of the story, "sometimes you can be absolutely scared sh$tless, and you keep moving forward anyways." The bigger picture is TOO big to ignore anymore.