Marsha Vanwynsberghe

Life Adversity Coach

SHAME ONLY GROWS WHEN YOU FEED IT

Everyone has felt shame or experienced shame on some level. For some people it’s an inconvenience and for some it’s a debilitating vice grip.

I recently read a quote from Brene Brown that said;

BreneBrownQuote.jpeg

As a past recovering perfectionist i can relate all too well. I fought the shame cycle when we dealt with teen substance abuse in our home. I won’t blame the shame on my kids. It was my shame for being a mother who couldn’t fix what was going on in her family.

I had this ridiculous mindset and belief that I was responsible for everything that happened in our household and if anything was wrong “of course” it was my job to fix it.

So basically I told myself I am responsible for everything good or bad and my personal value was determined by being able to fix anything and everything.

Seems reasonable right?

One problem is that I know I’m not alone in this thinking. How many moms can or will say they’ve felt this way before? ️️️

Since I couldn’t meet my expectations, I felt like a failure and the only solution I had left was to hide. All that did was FEED my shame and keep the cycle going.

    X Shame loves secrecy and closed doors.
    X Shame loves hiding, blame and embarrassment.
    X Shame loves it when we stop talking and isolate ourselves from the world.
    X Shame loves judgement, guilt and pain. It all keeps shame alive and growing.
    X Shame doesn’t like words, it doesn’t like sharing and it doesn’t like us speaking up.

That’s too bad for shame because I’m here to speak up, show up and help others to do the same.

If we want to change the shame cycle and the emphasis we place on shame, we have to speak, talk and share our stories.

That is how we can create a shift in our lives and learn to let go of our shame, and anything else that doesn’t serve us. One word and one sentence at a time. Imagine that ripple effect and the feeling of freedom that is possible?

Who else is ready to speak up and push shame to the curb?

I know I am!