#159: The Weight of Guilt

In this episode, we are talking about the emotions of guilt and shame.  The questions of guilt and shame have been showing up in my inbox lately as people want to know how to work through these two emotions.  Today we will talk about both emotions as they are very different, yet they are so closely intertwined, and we will draw attention to the weight of guilt in our lives.

We are all holding onto shame stories in our lives, whether it is business or personal lives.  These are the stories we hold onto hoping no one knows our stories. Shame is saying, “I am bad”. Guilt is saying “I did something bad”.  Let’s dive into the difference between the two and how we can learn to let go of the weight of guilt.

In this episode, we discuss:

1. Shame is saying, “I am bad”, and shame keeps us playing so small in our lives. Shame gets so heavy we end up hiding under the armour to protect ourselves, yet we make our world so small.  The only way to stop the cycle of shame is to give it a voice and speak.   When you start sharing your story, other people realize how human you are, and it allows you to create connections with other people.  This is the only way shame loses its power.
2. Guilt is saying “I did something bad”. Guilt and shame are a toxic combo.   Guilt comes from doing something that we perceive as bad.  You are not bad; you perceive that what you did was bad. I prefer not even using the words badly.  It can be tied to behaviour. 
3. Guilt doesn’t stop, you have to choose to let it go.
4. Guilt is something that we choose to carry. When we do something wrong, we are choosing to carry guilt. I ask myself the clarifying questions, “did I do the best with the information I had at the time?”  If it is something that we can’t change, constantly carrying the guilt is keeping us stuck in one moment.  That is living in the past. 
5. “What are we actually feeling guilty about, and what is the story about what we are feeling guilty about? Peel back the layers and ask, what actually is the story, and what is the truth?
6. Do not take advice from people who are not on the arena floor with you. If they are not there with you, let it go. Thank you, Brene Brown.
7. What can you choose to let go of? What are the lessons you are meant to learn? How can you forgive yourself and use the lessons to your advantage?

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Marsha Vanwynsberghe — Author, Speaker, and Life CoachMarsha is the 6-time Bestselling Author of “When She Stopped Asking Why”.  She shares her lessons as a parent who dealt with teen substance abuse far past the level of normal experimentation.

Through her programs, coaching and live events for women, Marsha is on a mission to teach you how to “Own Your Choices” in your own life.  She teaches women how to own their stories, lead themselves and pay it forward to others by creating businesses that serve, support and impact others